Withered
by indecisive97
Summary: AU. Kate Becket is trying to cope with her mothers death as her father is drowning himself in alcohol. Can a charming young man help her understand the true meaning of love? WARNING- themes of depression and suicidal thoughts.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

 **All mistakes are my own however the characters are not. I am admittedly Scottish , so if there are any words which you don't understand- 'Google it'. I hope there is no issues with me using the word 'Mum' instead of 'Mom' as it felt wrong for me to change the spelling. Hope you enjoy this story, reviews are welcome!**

They say you shouldn't trust anyone. What happens when you can't even trust yourself? Deep down I know I am not capable of it but I can't deny I don't have the urge to end it all right now, right here in this filthy bathroom. I am indifferent to dying. If I were to die I would be ok with that. There is nothing keeping me here. I doubt anyone would even notice I was gone but I have responsibilities that I can't run away from, so here I am applying makeup to my gaunt checks and under my sunken eyes. The makeup allows me to become someone better, someone who isn't exhausted and grieving. My long, narrow fingers smear the pale foundation over my shallow cheeks leaving my arms aching from the action, the tiredness has taken over my muscles and my whole body groans under any activity. I apply moisturiser to my cracked lips which have been worn down by my teeth constantly worrying at them. I look up at my reflection in the cracked mirror and hate who I have become, I don't know how I have let this carry on for so long. I run a brush through my brown straggly hair but there is only so much I can do to tame the mess which falls bellow my waist. The electricity bill was not paid so I will have to wait until next Wednesday before the greasy tendrils can be washed. It has become somewhat of my morning ritual and I can't help but feel that this is going to be a permanent routine, leaving a sinking feeling in my stomach.

I walk through to my plain bedroom and audibly sigh at the cluttered mess which seems to have exploded from my wardrobe. Although I don't have much of a social life I still like to look decent and my extremely thin figure makes it very difficult to get clothes which fit properly and the majority of my old clothes are far too big, often leaving me feeling suffocated by the extra fabric. As a result, part of my morning ritual results in rifling through my closet every morning looking for clothes which might make me look half decent. Today I had managed to find an old pair of grey tattered jeans which cling to my stick like legs perfectly and a dark green top which is baggy around my stomach but compliments my hazel, green eyes.

I straighten up my light blue quilt and open the curtains which are only half mast before picking up my brush again and trying to style my hair slightly better. The brush gets stuck in my hair as I try to pull it into a pony tail and I spend a couple of minutes trying to ease the brush out of my hair. In the end I have to use force to untangle the brush leaving my scalp feeling sore and tender. Instead of tying my hair back I settle for a couple of bobby pins to pin back the front strands of my hair.

I pick up my dark blue bag pack as I walk through the corridor towards the living room , picking up empty beer bottles as I go. The bare, dirty walls do nothing to make this house feel homely but it is the scattered bottles which make bile rise up my throat and my palms sweat. Dad must have made his way back to the house last night, the fallen photo frames evidence of his alcohol enraged anger. I set my bag back down and make my way towards his bedroom door where the stench of alcohol and vomit seeps through the crack. My heart stammers as I let the door swing open to reveal the sight of my dad passed out, facedown on his bed. His wispy grey hair stands in all directions and the stubble on his face has grown longer than when I saw him a couple of days ago. I creep towards the bed and close my eyes, willing the tears to disappear. I am quick to collect the three beer bottles which surround his bed and retrieve the whiskey bottle which he is clutching in his hand, as if it is a life line. I notice the dark stain on the carpet which I can only assume is the alcohol which was vomited back up. I cringe at the rancid smell and decide it can wait until after school. It is the first day back after the summer holidays, the last thing I need is rumours going around. I quickly make my way out of the room quietly shutting the door behind me being careful not to wake him up.

My old converses squeak on the wood flooring as I walk through a puddle of spilt beer. It takes all of my strength to not scream at the top of my lungs, instead I clench my fists and take a deep breath. I grab the cloth from the sink giving it a quick rinse before getting on my hands and knees to clean up his mess. Deciding that the floor is clean enough I quickly deposit the empty beer bottles in the bin and grab my back pack. It takes three hard shoves to finally get the old door to burst open sending me stumbling down the steps and onto the gravel path. I take in a depth breath letting my lungs fill with clean air and I take a moment to appreciate my surroundings. The benefit of living out in the countryside means I don't have to worry about neighbours finding out about my dads habits however it also means a twenty minute walk to school which quite often results in me showing up late much to the disappointment of my teachers.

I look at my watch and sigh as I reach the end of the track, there is only five minutes to the bell and I am still a good 15 minutes away. I start walking quicker now, getting in trouble at school is a much better alternative than returning home. Tears prick at my eyes and I am quick to wipe them away. This is not the time to be feeling sorry for my miserable life so I move my shoulders back and lift my head up. 'Get a grip' I tell myself.

The thickening air and the sound of cars in the distance tells me I am nearing the town, where the grand school building rises out of the ground like it was made by god. As I approach the school I notice large black gates blocking me from the entrance of the school. I let my eyes roll at the grand, ornate details sculpted into the metal, well this is definitely new and completely ridiculous. The smirk falls off my face as I realise the gate is locked and I have no way to get in. my eyes fall upon the plaque to the left of the gate reading 'All late comers must report to school office' I swear under my breath and let my eyes fall shut. I know I am in trouble, I have been late too many times now and the principle can not wait to see the back of me. It's not that I like the school, in fact I hate it. But this school was definitely not cheap and I know how much trouble my mum went to getting me in to this prestigious school. I hate to think of how disappointed she would be if she were still alive.

The heavy breathing coming behind me interrupts my thoughts and has me spinning around to investigate. Running up the pavement towards the gates is a tall, lean boy who looks to be about my age. His short brown hair suits him perfectly and his angular nose looks like it has been formed by a sculptor. I feel my cheeks flush as he catches me checking him out and I notice the way he straightens his back and lifts his chin as if he is trying his best to look attractive. I small smile spreads across my face as he gives me a small wink and it's when I notice that he is flexing his arm muscles that I let a small giggle escape from my lips. As he gets closer to me I see his footing waver and his face fall as he notices the large gate for the first time.

"Well this is embarrassing" I hear him mutter under his breath and I am glad to see that I am not the only one who is blushing. He turns to face me and I am taken aback by his piercing blue eyes which hold so much kindness that it makes me want to take a step back. He seems to analyse my face before he offers his hand.  
"Rick, well I'm actually Richard but my friends call me Rick, we can be friends right? Cause I mean you're really pretty and I didn't mean for that to sound like I was hitting on you but I thought maybe you would want to hang around with me or something, maybe get something for lunch, I mean you don't have to" he stops his ramblings when he notices I am smiling  
"Kate, and I would love to get lunch with you" I am surprised by how confident my voice sounds and my heart flutters as I notice the smile which has made it's way onto Ricks face. I think it is sweet how nervous he is and I am grateful to him for making this day worthwhile, it seems like the first time I have properly smiled in months. Rick makes a sigh of relief and his shoulders seem to relax as some of the nervousness disappears.  
"It's good to know I'm not the only one who's late" he jokes with a goofy smile on his face and I think I like him more if that is even possible.  
"Yeah, they are pretty strict about being late. Are you new? cause I don't think I have seen you around" I ask curiously, I am sure I would remember having seen those eyes.  
"Yup, first day. My mum will be mad if she finds out I am late" he says with a grimace.  
"You know we could always skip morning classes." I blurt out and I am not to sure what has come over me. I am a straight A student for god's sake! But my worries fade as I see the grin on Rick's face.  
"I don't know why I didn't think of that sooner" he replies. I quickly look down at my shoes as I feel the red run into my checks once again.  
"There is a great coffee shop down the street if you want to stop there" I nearly whisper.  
"What are we waiting for, lead the way" I am grateful to him for stepping up, I am terrible at interacting especially when there is a super good looking guy involved.  
"So, are you from around here?" he asks as we walk down the pavement which moments ago he was running along.  
"About a mile out of the town, you?" I don't give him any specific details because I definitely don't need Rick showing up on my doorstep, he would probably run a mile.  
"On the outskirts, we moved from the city. Mum wanted somewhere quieter but this town kinda takes the biscuit. There is nothing to do!" his eyebrows rise high on his head as he talks and I swear my heart is doing summersaults. I suddenly become very self-conscious and wish I had applied more make up this morning. Sunken checks is definitely not in style at the moment and I am sure the dark circles under my eyes just scream unattractive. I notice that Rick is still speaking, completely unaware of my thoughts.  
"-bowling not even a cinema, there is a park but even that lacks anything special. I mean how do you keep yourself busy?" he turns to look at me as he asks the question.  
"Emm, well you could go on a walk or build a hut. Oh god, you must think I am crazy, forget about the hut that's really stupid-" I am cut of by his boisterous laugh.  
"Don't be ridiculous, that is an amazing idea. I am willing to build a hut if you promise to build it with me." he almost pleads with me and I swear those big blue eyes could be used as a weapon.  
"I am not entirely sure if you are being serious or not." does Rick seriously want to build a hut with me? This is insane!  
"Of course I am being serious, as long as I am doing it with you then I don't mind" he says it with such conviction that it even has me smiling.  
"Well ok then." I laugh  
"It's a done deal. There is no way you are getting out of it. I need to build this hut. My sanity depends on it" he says it with so much seriousness that I can't help but laugh and it's not soon before we are both laughing along with each other.

As we reach the coffee shop I can't help but admire the way his arm muscles move beneath his t-shirt as he opens the door for me although he seems to be completely unaware of my lustful gaze. I quickly pick a table and let my bag fall to the floor with a soft thump. When I look up I notice he has situated himself at the opposite side of the table and seems to be staring at my face. He realises he has been caught staring and quickly looks down in shame.  
"Sorry, it's just your eyes are stunning. They are green but they have flecks of gold when they catch the sun. That sounds really corny but it's true." this time he doesn't shy away from me but says it with true conviction. I can tell my face is beet red and there is no way he doesn't notice it.  
"Thanks, I suppose" I whisper timidly and I am so glad when he changes the subject.  
"What would you like. And it is on me before you argue." he gives me a sweat smile before giving me wink which I am sure has turned many girls into puddles on the floor. I like to think I have more tact than that but the way my heart swells in my chest would suggest otherwise.  
"Hot chocolate, please. Oh and since your paying, cream and marshmallows" I don't know where all this confidence is coming from but it is refreshing and I am enjoying the attention too much to stop. A brief smirk appears on his face before he bends down into a bow.  
"Of course, m'lady" he says with dramatic flare before disappearing behind me to order our drinks.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for the kind reviews! they mean a lot to me. Here is chapter two and I will upload the next chapter within the next couple of days. Let me know what you think, good or bad!**

 **Previously-**

"Hot chocolate, please. Oh and since your paying, cream and marshmallows" I don't know where all this confidence is coming from but it is refreshing and I am enjoying the attention too much to stop. A brief smirk appears on his face before he bends down into a bow.  
"Of course, m'lady" he says with dramatic flare before disappearing behind me to order our drinks.

I look down at my silver, worn watch and calculate that in order to sneak into school at break time, we will only have an hour left. I find myself yearning to be able to spend the whole day with Rick but there is a part of me which feels like I would be a burden. It's strange to think this is my last year of high school before I get to move on from this life, this town holds too many painful memories, I feel moving away from here might give me the distance I need to be able to grieve instead of dealing with my fathers grief.

"Ooops, sorry. Don't mind me" I hear Rick apologising to a couple sitting at a table who he ungracefully stumbled into. I try to contain my laughter as he makes his way towards the table with the two hot chocolates which thankfully make it to the table intact.  
"Hot chocolate for the lady" he announces before sliding the cup towards me and taking a seat opposite mine.  
"Thanks. Took you long enough" I tease with a grin as he gives me his most hurt expression.  
"Uh, how you wound me! My heart will never recover from this" he exclaims, drawing the attention of several customers. I can't get rid of the stupid smile on my face and after a few moments my checks begin to ache. I take a sip of my hot chocolate and get a shock as the boiling liquid hits my tongue and on instinct I spit the liquid back into the cup, the boiling water spraying onto the table and my clean top. I feel my checks flaming as I duck my head in embarrassment however Rick's startling laughter from across the table has me looking up curiously.  
"Oh my gosh, are you ok? That was awesome" Rick manages to pronounce through his laughter.  
"I am glad you think it's funny" I joke back still horrified from my bad manners. I pick up my napkin and try to clean up the mess I have made both on the table and my newly cleaned top. My cheeks are still flushed when I look back up at Rick who changes the subject as if he could feel how uncomfortable I was becoming.  
"So, what classes do you have when we go back?" he says before taking a sip from his own drink.  
"Emmm, Biology and Geography. You?"  
"Math if I remember correctly" he says with a roll of his eyes and a shrug of his shoulders.  
"Ouch, that's sounds painful. Thank goodness I dropped that class" I have never been good at math and I quickly learnt in high school that math didn't like me either.  
"Tell me about it."  
"I would however feel like it would be a very long and boring conversation"  
"Hmmm that is true. Ok so a different question then. Emmm…do you have any siblings?" as soon as he mentions family I feel my stomach drop and my palms begin to sweat.  
"Nope just me. How about you?" I am quick to defer the questions to Rick. The less he knows about my life the better. Every friendship I used to have is now tainted with sympathy or even worse pity. Seeing either of those in Rick's eyes would destroy me, I hate being weak and hate the questions which come with my past.  
"No, only child. I don't mind though cause I get all the attention." he says it with a wide smirk on his face.  
"Do you have any hobbies aside from picking up girls on the streets" I say it in a serious tone and I have to contain my laughter as his eyes go wide. He notices my strained face as I try not to smile.  
"You are terrible. You had me so worried" he exclaims before breathing a sigh of relief.  
"And as it so happens I do have hobbies that don't include picking up girls however I don't know if you deserve to know what they are." I roll my eyes at his fake insulted tone.  
"Why don't I guess instead? Let me see…I bet you play dominoes in your spare time and do a spot of bird watching when you are bored."  
" .Ha. I will have you know dominoes is a great form of relaxation."  
"I might just have to take it up then" I sarcastically reply.  
"I actually play guitar and I don't mind a bit of cooking." he informs me and I can't help but be impressed. A man who can cook is a great bonus.  
"Impressive. How long have you been playing guitar?"  
"Four years. I don't play too often but I find it very relaxing. Tell me about yourself?  
I barely know anything about you." I can tell he is honestly interested in my life and it is refreshing to know that he isn't just asking to be polite.  
"I like to read but I haven't had the chance to read anything for a while" my voice fades off a bit at the end fearing I am giving him too much information about my life. In all honesty I haven't read anything since my mum passed away and my dad started drinking. I have been too busy looking after my dad to even think about opening a book never mind reading one.  
"As much as I am enjoying this, we had better get going if we want to sneak back in" I really don't want to go back but skipping school will have it's consequences which I really can't be bothered dealing with.  
"Wow, is it that time already? You know I would love to do this again some time. I am having lunch with my mum today but maybe tomorrow we could do this again?" he asks me confidently however I can see the nervousness in his bright blue eyes.  
"I would love to. Maybe we could swap numbers in case, well..emm… you know in case there is a change of plans?" well that couldn't have been more awkward if I had tried.  
"Sure. Why don't you give me your number then I will give you a text." Rick says as he takes out his iPhone then handing it over to me. I am quick to type in my details before handing it back to him.  
"Well m'lady we should be on our way." he says whilst offering me his arm. I am quick to link our arms together and I can't help but notice the electricity which seems to run between us.

We both walk down the street arm in arm in a comfortable silence both just appreciating each others company. As we approach the large, ornate gates I notice that they are now open allowing the students to come flooding out of the school grounds and on to the streets as the bell rings to signal break.  
"Looks like we made it in time." Rick seems saddened as he says this and I cant help but feel slightly disappointed as well. It feels good to know that he feels the same way and it does fill me with a bit of joy to know that he also doesn't want to part ways.  
"Yeah. I suppose I will see you tomorrow." I try to sound excited but I can tell that Rick can see the disappointment laced in my tone by the small grin which appears on his face.  
"I must bid you farewell m'lad. Until tomorrow." Rick states dramatically before tipping his imaginary hat forward and taking a bow. I find myself laughing again, my sides hurting from laughing so much in the last hour and I can honestly say I haven't been this happy in a long time.  
"Have a nice day ." I say and his eyes soften as he sees the gratefulness in my eyes.  
"You to Kate" and just like that Rick disappears amongst the sea of giddy students who are gossiping about the events of the holiday. My heart seems to drop low in my stomach as I realise that I now have to get through the rest of the day without him. I quickly swipe at my eyes to get rid of the tears which were threatening to spill and again I find myself looking down to the ground and avoiding eye contact with everyone I pass. 


	3. Chapter 3

**For the benefit of the story I have changed the date of Johanna's death to make sure it fits with the storyline. Hope you enjoy this new chapter!**

My shoulders are slumped as I walk through the corridors of the school. The dull cream walls feel suffocating as I dodge the over excited students littering the halls and I can't help but feel relieved when I arrive at my first class five minutes before the bell allowing me to take a seat right at the back of the biology class.

The bell eventually rings and students begin to pile into the small class room and the benches soon become crowded however not one person takes a seat next to me or not even the seat after that. People must think I am disgusting. They can't look past the greasy hair and the sunken cheeks. I don't let it get to me though sometimes it is better for people not to know the truth, it lets me pretend for a few hours that my life is normal.

Biology passes quickly and it isn't long until lunch time. I pick up my bag and make my way out of the geography classroom and reluctantly towards the lunch hall. Several people push past me muttering apologies in their mad rush to the lunch hall. Before I walk into the hall I make a quick examination of the tables and notice a rowdy group of boys shouting at my usual table. Why? Seriously. Why? Could I not even have one day without any hassle? I quickly walk out of the hall exasperatedly and make my way out of the entrance to the school. Looks like I will be skipping lunch again. I decide to take a walk up to the florists to buy something for my room and hopefully cheer myself up.

The walk doesn't take long and I soon find myself outside the small florists, the sweet smell of flowers filling my senses. The wind picks up so I quickly grab the handle of the door and make my way inside. The smell increases now that I am inside and my eyes involuntarily shut as I take a calm, relaxing breath hoping to ease the tension in my muscles. The sound of the door opening at the back of the shop draws my attention and I look up to find the owner of the shop making his way towards me with a friendly smile, his grey hair combed back neatly.  
"Hello, amico" Antonio pronounces in his thick Italian accent before wrapping me in a hug. I feel myself relaxing in his embrace as the tears build up in my eyes. His grip tightens reassuringly around my shoulder as he senses my sadness before he lets me go with tears of his own present in his eyes.  
"You look more like your beautiful mother every day." his eyes shine with adoration as he looks into my wet eyes.  
"She would be so proud of you. I certainly am" Antonio doesn't realise how much his words mean to me and I feel my chest constrict. After my grandfather died when my mother was young Antonio became somewhat of a father to my mother, making sure she was well fed when her mother, my grandmother, had to work late nights. After my dad became an alcoholic Antonio stepped up to make sure I was ok, treating me like one of his own. I find myself being the adult so often these days that being around Antonio lets me step down and let someone take care of me. I grab his wrinkled hand and give it a firm squeeze.  
"Thank you." a lone tear leaves a glistening path down my check before I have the chance to wipe it away.  
"Why don't I make you a sandwich. In the meanwhile feel free to make up a couple of bouquets. Maybe you could take one up to your mothers grave. I got some lilies freshly delivered today" his kind eyes sparkle as he makes his way into the back to make me a sandwich. I used to work here during the holidays when I was younger so making a bouquet is a piece of cake however the thought of making one for my mothers grave leaves me feeling slightly depressed. I walk over to the lilies and pick up a bunch before adding a few red roses to add some colour. I walk over to the desk and pick up the green string before sorting them into a perfect bunch and tying the string to secure them in place.

Antonio walks back in with two cheese sandwiches on a plate and a jug of water. He sets them on the desk then makes his way to the front of the store where he picks up a bouquet of pink orchids and walks back to the counter with a light spring in his step.  
"I thought you might like to take this home with you" he say as he sets the orchids on the desk. Pink orchids are my favourite flower and ever since he found out this information he started stocking them in his store.  
"Thank You. These will look great in my room." I say as I pick up a cheese sandwich which Antonio pushed towards me.

For the next couple of minutes we find ourselves in a comfortable silence as we both eat our sandwiches. My empty stomach turns from the foreign feeling of food in my stomach and I force myself to eat slower. I think back to the last time I ate and come to the conclusion that it was yesterday lunch time. Its not so much my choice but with my dad not working and my weekend job at the coffee shop not paying much we quite often go hungry for a couple of days at a time. I refuse to spend any of the money I inherited from my mum on food or rent and I most certainly don't let my dad spend it on drink. After mum died a friend of dads offered us one of his farm houses where I only had to pay a small bill for rent every month, my wages still barely covered it and it only leaves me with little money each week for food.

"Kate, I know I shouldn't encourage it but if there is nothing interesting going on at school then I have a few things I need help with here" Antonio says in mock seriousness. We both know Antonio thinks education is a waste of time and that it is more beneficial to be working. My hopes are raised ridiculously high with the thought of skipping school and an involuntary smile makes its way onto my face  
"I shall take that as a yes then" Antonio chuckles causing deep wrinkles to appear at the corner of his eyes and I find myself laughing back.  
"Where would you like me to start" I say eagerly.  
"Maybe you could start with getting rid of all the withered flowers" the way he says it makes it clear that the decision is up to me.  
"Sounds good to me." I have become very accustomed to working in the shop so without any more questions I get on with the job. The soft sound of jazz coming from the speakers relaxes me into a pleasant frame of mind as I begin to pull out all the dead flowers from the different flower boxes. My fingers waver as I reach the lilies, my mums favourite. I pull out the withered lilies and run my fingers over the soft petals contemplating its short lived life. I quickly put the flowers in the plastic bag and move on to the next shelve, preventing the emotions from rising up.

It doesn't take me long to make my way around the brightly coloured shop having filled up a few plastic bags of dead flowers whilst Antonio has swept and mopped the floor. I have always loved how much Antonio cares for his shop. He doesn't have a partner or any kids so this shop had become his only love until he took in my mum. I make my way out of the back door and empty the contents of the bags into the compost pile then I make my way back inside to find Antonio sitting at the counter reading an old book which looks like it has been well read.  
"Is there anything else you would like me to do?" I ask in a kind tone.  
"No, you have done a great job. Why don't you go and take the flowers to the cemetery?" I am secretly happy when Antonio suggests this. I have been looking forward to visiting my mum for a few days now and I am grateful for the opportunity.  
"Thanks, that means a lot." I smile up at him.  
"Give her my love." Antonio says as he once again enveloped me into an embrace.  
"Of course. Have a good day" I say as I pick up the lilies and orchids from the counter.  
"You to Kate" he shouts after me as I make my way out of the shop, the wind whipping my face as I make my way across the road giving Antonio a brief wave through the shop window before making my way down the brae and towards the local cemetery.

My thoughts drift back to Rick and my eventful morning. I grip my coat tighter around myself as a shiver makes its way down my body and this time I am sure it isn't from the wind. Trying to take my mind off of Rick I take my phone out of my jean pockets and look through the missed calls quickly realising that they are all from my dad. It is not unusual for my dad to phone me when he gets drunk, either to insult me or tell me how much he loves me. Just before I lock my phone I notice a text from an unknown number, my heart racing as I read it.  
Hey Kate. Hope you are having a good afternoon, can't wait for tomorrow! Oh it's Rick by the way X  
My heart stutters as my eyes land on the kiss, telling myself that he is just being friendly, trying to keep my hopes in check. I spend the rest of my walk trying to think up a reply. I type my text into my phone just as I reach the entrance of the cemetery.  
Hey Rick, looking forward to it. See you tomorrow X  
I stuff my phone back into my pocket and take a deep breath and make my way into the cemetery.

The neatly ordered rows of grave stones are surrounded by overgrown grass and yellowing flowers. I make my way up the thin path clutching the flowers to my chest and letting the tears overflow. I am not ashamed to cry here because it feels natural. Its the only place where I can cry without people asking questions.

I final reach my mothers grave stone and I let my fingers run over the engraved lettering of my mothers name which reads:

Johanna Beckett  
1958-2004  
And now these three remain:  
Faith, hope and love  
But the greatest of these  
Is love.

My legs buckle beneath me, my knees landing painfully on the grass sending stabbing sensations to my hip. My fingers slide down the hard granite and land in my lap as the sobs build in my chest, threatening to explode. I arrange the fallen lilies and roses at the bottom of the gravestone whilst rubbing at my eyes where the tears are spilling out of, not bothering to stop them trailing down my face because I am passed the point of caring. I bow my head as the sobs come on full force my whole body shaking with the exertion and my fingers twitching looking for someone to hold me, but no one comes. The pain in my chest becomes unbearable and I fold into myself, my fingers clawing at my chest as the ugly cries continue to make there up passed my mouth.

I stay like that for a while the sobs eventuating dying away in the sound of the wind. The tears had stopped a while ago but the sobbing has left my muscles feeling sore and the odd spasm in my chest makes me aware of how weak my body is. I don't feel the need to say anything to my mum, sometimes it is best to just soak in the peace and let my emotions take over. There is nothing I would want my mum to hear anyway, everything has gone quickly downhill since she died and I doubt she would be very impressed.

I pick myself up from the grass ignoring the way my knees groan in protest and pick up my orchids. With one last glance at my mothers gravestone I make my way back down the path and towards the entrance. I pull out my pocket mirror from my bag and shy away from my blotchy face. There is nothing I can do about it now and I left my makeup at home so I will just have to keep my head down, go home and try to avoid anyone seeing my face.


End file.
